If there is anything that brings me down faster than Felix Baumgartner, it’s having to live with my parents as an “adult.”

 

We all fall on our butts in our early years when we’re trying to figure out all the real-life things the high school and college neglects to teach us.  We all have to return home sometimes because we just need to know we had a safe place before we got caught in the undertow of job loss, student loans, bad relationship decisions, and any other problems life can throw at us.  I really am grateful that my parents are accepting of this truth and inevitability and are not pressuring me to get a job tomorrow and move out in a couple of weeks.  They understand the world does not work like that.

That all sounds like it should cheer me up.  Thinking about how accepting they are of the fact that I need a place does.  Thinking about how that seems to be all they think I need doesn’t.  Without going into too much detail to protect the innocent, living with my parents has become a constant torment.  And earlier in the year my brother moved back in too, which has just made things worse.

To get any of my creative work done, I need to wake up at 5 am.  Fortunately, I’m a morning person.  I move through the house like a ghost careful not to wake anyone lest my 4-5 hours of me-time be broken.  This is my sacred time, and nothing should invade that.

Except the cat.  Who likes to eat just as soon as I am awake.  And that’s when I slip into the kitchen and turn on the light to either find a clean counter, or, as in this morning’s case, so many dirty dishes that it stumps my mind.  How the hell do three people use that many dishes (I had a late lunch, so I didn’t eat with them)?  And why can’t they clean them after dinner like normal people do?

And as I’m feeding the cat and taking inventory of the dirty dishes, I feel like it’s something I’ll have to do later on in the morning, cutting into my creative time.  The snowball begins tumbling, and I spend three pages of free writing on how much my family irritates me.

So today, I decided to ask the cards what mental attitude or approach I should take in dealing with them.  It’s something I have not wanted to accept fully, although I know what I must do.

“You are the outsider in your family; yet knowing that will not stop you from wishing for the ‘normal’ supportive and living family that would value and nurture your creative passions and beliefs as one of their own.  It’s normal to desire such a thing.  But it’s not something you can just wish for, and it’s not found within the place you call home or the people you live with.  To nurture your growing soul, that seeks some sort of external authority and approval, you will need to build a mental fort around yourself and the passions and values that you hold dearest.  Be on the lookout for you, and only you, in dealing with your family.  Do not be afraid to come off as selfish or otherwise to them.  Right now your judgement of them is suspended, held in the balance because your survival depends on them for the time being.  But know that one day you will have to decide; accept them lovingly and their unsavory lifestyles, or turn your back on them the first chance that you get.”

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