I’ve had one of those days.  Feeling stymied, depressive.  I got four rejection letters in the mail for jobs I was sure I could get to the next level on.  Instead of letting it get to me like it has in the past, I let it go.  And then I decided to look into it a little more.  

I decided to do a larger reading.  I know there are many, many questions I need to ask about my job search and how to make it successful.  But I need a place to begin to know what exactly is going on with it.  So I asked the cards; what do I need to know in order to have success in my search for a job?

What is the inner focus of my energies? Page of Pentacles
I’m currently seeking knowledge and experience.  It’s the one thing that I am very aware of that I lack.  I want to learn new tasks and duties.  But I’m also focusing on a spiritual knowledge that will nurture my soul in this time of forced simplicity.

What is the outer focus of my energies? Seven of Pentacles
I’m trying to harvest fruit after a drought.  Or grow crops without any knowledge of what I am doing.  I need to observe the cycles and learn from them.  The job market today isn’t as fertile as it once was, and I need to learn where I’m making mistakes and how to fix them.  I also need to learn to be patient with myself and prospective employers.  The right one will see my worth one day.  Until then, I need to learn.

What conflict or tension is currently in your heart?  Combination of Page of Pentacles and Seven of Pentacles
Uncertainty.  I hate uncertainty.  I hate having to plant seeds and trust that they will grow.  Which is the wrong way to plant them.  They need care.  And I have not taken the time or energy to give that due care.  I need to have patience, and in some cases I am not a very patient person.  The stress relief that depends on my future employment gnaws at me.  I need to figure out what I can do in the mean time to be successful in this pursuit.

What are your subconscious needs and desires that form the basis of this situation?  Nine of Cups
Material happiness (I like stuff; there’s so many books and toys, and so little money in my bank account).  Emotional satisfaction.  The flourishing of my latent and blocked creativity.  My social life and hobbies.  Creativity and emotional security scream for attention, and they’re like babies to me; children that I can’t stand to hear cry.  I need to visualize my goals and what exactly I want.  I need to make a spiritual Christmas wish-list.  What do you really want?

  • A job that pays, includes benefits and room for future advancement and improvement, that simulates my senses and talents and gives me great pride each and every day, located in Winston-Salem, NC (I’ve been giving this one a lot of thought).
  • An apartment in Winston-Salem, where I can be as creative and as eclectic as I really am, where I can entertain friends and guests, and share with James.
  • A new car that allows me not to worry how much longer it will survive (my Cavalier has been a true cavalier; should it ever die or get totaled, I believe I will mourn its loss deeply).
  • A successful career as a writer of poetry, fiction, non-fiction, occult topics, Tarot, humor, etc.
  • A (potential) successful career as a Tarot reader and spiritual adviser, using my given talents to give back to the Universe.
  • The ability to be myself in all my wacky, humorous, weird, eclectic ways, and still be a professional.

What talent or ability that you bring with you from the past will assist or hinder you?  What opportunities are you most receptive and open to?  The Wheel of Fortune
The Wheel of Fortune happens to be my Year card for 2012.  In late May/early June I read it as a call to go back to school to be a paramedic.  That fell through, and I’ve since abandoned the notion.  But the call to the medical field still rings.  I’m just not sure where I would fit in in the medical world.  I have an unfortunately skewed vision of nurses, which embarrasses me to say because I really do value all that they do.  I know I could never cut it as a doctor, nor do I want to go back to school.  I love my English degree, and I still cling to the idea that one day I will return to get my Master’s or Doctorate’s and teach literature at a college level.  But for now, I want to live.  I know there is a definite call to the creative side of life; I’ve always been a writer, and I would one day love to see books I’ve authored lining my shelves like trophies.  If I do anything in the medical field, I want it to be clerical; it’s a great fit for a Capricorn like myself.

What are you thinking about?  What are your ideas and ambitions in this situation?  The Devil reversed
The Devil is also what I crave for self-expression.  I like vices, and I accept that they need to exist, just like good habits.  But right now I’m thinking beyond them.  I am tapping into my hidden and underdeveloped talents and treasures.  I’m seeing in what ways I can use my skills to their greatest ambitions.  I’m thinking about potential; how it’s hidden within me in a chest, and the key is nowhere to be found.  Practice, practice, practice.  That’s the only way I’ll find the damn key and unlock the box.

How will you act and use your abilities in the near future?  What decisions will you make?  The Emperor reversed
I am very well aware that, given the right training and mentoring, I could make a good leader.  But I’ve never been encouraged to take charge.  This card shows that I will still ignore the call to step up to the stage and lead.  I just don’t know how.  I fear losing friends and stepping on toes, which is something a leader cannot be bothered with sometimes.  But whose toes would I be stepping on?  My own, or someone else’s?

How do you see yourself in this situation?  Eight of Swords reversed
I am deluded with a fear of persecution; I am an outspoken individual, with an alternative lifestyle, and not afraid to admit it.  I have this ungrounded fear that my Pagan beliefs, my writing ability, my dry sense of humor, and my inability to understand a lot of the things this world embraces marks me as an untouchable and unemployable.  It does not.  But the fear still persists. Perhaps I should explore this fear in a future reading.

How do others see you in this situation?  What is the environment in which it takes place?  Six of Pentacles
I see jobs I believe I am sufficiently qualified for going to others with each rejection letter.  But maybe that is a delusion on my part.  Maybe I’m not as qualified as I think.  There’s something that others see that I do not, and I would really like to know what that is in order to change the tides.
So I’m going to do something creative about it.  I threw away the letters I got today, but I’m going to start consulting the Oracles when I look for work because they can help me see what I’m glossing over.  And when the next rejection letter comes, I will read it, sit down, and do a spread that can show me what I’m missing and why I did not get this job.  It’s time to use my talents to my advantage here.

What lesson do you need to learn?  What must you dissolve for further development to take place?  What do you hope or fear?  Seven of Cups reversed
Clear, logical thinking.  I need to learn how to make plans, set goals and priorities, focus, and set my intentions.  I have been neglecting to do these things because for whatever reason, I seem to believe that it’s lame.  I don’t want to waste my time with all that crap; I want to dive right in and have no problems.  I want effortlessness.  So, I need to sit down, set my goals, and learn how to prioritize.

What is your individual expression in the future, based on your thoughts and energies in the present?  Five of Pentacles reversed
Returning to work and emerging from financial dependence on my family.  Emerging from the creative blocks and making my living myself.  Knowing that I have the power to gather my own resources and put them to use.  With hard work, I will get to where I want to be.  I will get through this.

I had a jumper near the end.  Seven of Swords.  I’m simply overwhelmed by the job search and the current job market.  My hindrances are not all my fault in this one, although I do carry a pretty big burden.  I should keep this in mind as I look for work.

I decided to return to the first two cards of the spread at the end; the Page of Pentacles crossed by the Seven of Pentacles.  This situation has the potential to teach me a lot about myself that I have ignored.  Take time to plan.  Be specific.  Plan the steps needed to get to where you want to be.  Pause and take time to evaluate the situation.  How else can you bring your dreams to life if you don’t see whats choking them?

Overall, a very informative read.  Should I take the lessons with me.  Any additional perspectives are welcome and encouraged.

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